I’ve
arrived. I’m alive
Cried
before looking up at your smile
Safe
in your arms
Kept
away from harms way
A
new life has been blessed today
My
earliest memory
You
were right there next to me
Holding
my hand as we roamed around Tivoli
It
was only us
Then
others picked me up
And
that’s when I met the rest of my family
I
detested school, because I was away from you
I
remember kindergarten and recall when we parted
Things
were new without you
And
so it started
I
tearfully watched as from the gates you departed
Whenever
I had a terrible day
The
voice was always there: “Sweetheart it’s ok”
That
comforting face above that loving embrace
Within
a heartbeat I’ve found my tears had been erased
As
time went by I saw myself change
Regardless,
though, you were still the same
The
most beautiful person I’ve seen since birth
First
thing I see in my life on this Earth
I
owe you everything and more
For
all that you’ve done for me
You
are the reason why my life is everything it’s come to be
Now
I wait for my turn to take care of you
And
show that my love is genuine and true
The
sixteenth of March 1992
Was
the day you carried a baby smiling at you
All
the while, your smile
Left
me nothing but beguiled
No
mother alive should outlive her child
“I
love you mom. You are and forever will be my hero”
Not bad. This work has a good bit of flow- I was actually rapping it out in my head.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I think you should work on is the metre. This aspect was out in a few places which resulted in alot of the rhymes being... clumsy.
Overall- nice work :)
Thanks for the feedback man :) However I'm not sure exactly what you mean by the metre ;p can you give me an example with a line from my Birth piece?
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